Ann Thompson Cook has been educating people about sexuality, reproductive health, and gender for 25 years. She has written extensively, and her publications include Made in God’s Image and PFLAG’s Respect All Youth series. She and her husband of 35 years have two adult sons.
Ann has played a unique role as an educator and as an ally to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. To get at the roots of her groundbreaking booklet, we asked her a few questions.
Why a booklet about sexual orientation?
For me, it’s about giving kids a chance to grow and thrive. Our society is so uptight about normal differences in sexuality and gender that we don’t allow children to just be themselves. I hope that my writing will help people realize that differences are actually something to celebrate, not fear. And I hope that churches and communities throughout the country will use this booklet to start a dialogue about sexual orientation.
So you’re a Methodist. Is this a booklet just for Methodists?
No, it addresses questions of sexuality within the context of faith. It’s a booklet that people of any denomination can use to explore sexual orientation and God’s love.
I thought that Methodists didn’t support gay people.
It’s true that as a denomination, the United Methodist Church struggles to figure out what it stands for. Certainly, United Methodists—including our bishops and clergy—hold a broad spectrum of views, and the denomination’s official statements reflect this variety. For example, our Social Principles state that “homosexual persons...are persons of sacred worth” but later state that “the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching.”
Those of us who have been involved in writing, supporting, and promoting this publication disagree with the second statement. We’re striving to build a church and a world where all are respected and treated as beloved children of God. Every denomination—including some you might not expect—has folks like us. Denominations, including Methodist, must start a dialogue in churches and communities about sexual orientation.
Who is Ann Thompson Cook? Where did you grow up? Where were you educated? What else do you do professionally?
I grew up in Topeka, Kansas, graduated from the University of Kansas, and received a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago.
Since 1980, I’ve been working on sexuality issues in a variety of settings, including publishing educational materials. From 1992 to 1997, I served as President/CEO of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice and since then have been working as a consultant and executive coach with nonprofit leaders.
Ann, what brought you to these issues? Why do you do this work?
I began educating about sexual orientation in the mid-1980s, when my two sons were in elementary school. Several gay/lesbian people had come out to me, telling me horror stories about growing up, and I realized that nothing had changed. It was very likely that someone in our little community—if not my own kids, some of their friends—would begin to struggle with their own sexual orientation, and they would have the same experience that my adult friends had had as children. I couldn’t stand by and let that happen to another generation. I had to get involved.
Have you written booklets like this before? What was the response?
Yes. In fact, I wrote the first edition of And God Loves Each One in 1988. Churches used it, families used it. The feedback that meant the most to me was when young gay/lesbian/bisexual people told me that And God Loves Each One was the single most important resource in helping their parents accept them. It empowered them to start a new dialogue and understand that God loves them.
I’ve written several other pieces on these topics, including a booklet on gender differences, Made in God’s Image; the viewing guide for an award-winning documentary, Talking about Gay Issues in School; some cutting-edge materials about gay youth for PFLAG’s Respect All Youth Project; and a manual for peer education programs in sexuality and health for the YWCA of the USA.
What do you hope to accomplish by writing the second edition of And God Loves Each One? Why again? Why now?
The simple answer is that it’s been out of print for a long time and people keep asking for it. The larger answer is that society is finally facing head-on the question of whether, as a matter of policy, we will continue to deny gay/lesbian people the right to marry and the basic protections that other citizens take for granted. We felt that the booklet had something important to offer in a debate that was rife with misunderstanding about sexual orientation and Christian teachings. We expect the booklet to help transform debate to dialogue.
Do you think a booklet about sexual orientation written by a straight woman who is married and has children can offer a better understanding of the topic?
If you’re asking whether someone like me can fully explain the experience of being gay, lesbian, or bisexual, of course not. What I’ve done in the booklet is give a glimpse of the variety of experiences that people have shared with me; this is valuable because many people still believe they don’t know any gay people. The truth is that everyone knows gay people, although they may not realize it.
Sometimes straight people who are too afraid to listen to gay people talk about these subjects are willing to listen to me. And reading my booklet allows them to open themselves, to find the gay/lesbian/bisexual people in their life, and to get more fully acquainted with them.
In your research for the booklet, tell us about the young people you met along the way. Tell us their stories.
I’ve met so many courageous young people, both gay and not gay, who are standing up to prejudice and discrimination. One high school student whose father is gay overcame her sadness and hurt and began to challenge the culture in her school that belittled and degraded gay people. Young people who’d been harassed from a young age, even viciously beaten, somehow overcame their terror and organized gay/straight alliances in their schools. A young lesbian who was kicked out by her youth group and condemned by her minister had no idea that there were any affirming religious people. Now she’s ministering to young people herself.
In the booklet, you say that sexuality is a gift from God. What do you mean by that?
Actually, the statement that sexuality is a good gift of God is the official policy of the United Methodist Church, and nearly every denomination has a similar statement! Even so, most people have a lot of trouble talking openly about sexuality, and all of us have absorbed many negative and contradictory messages. I hope that when people read my booklet, they’ll come away with a new understanding of sexuality as being core to who we are, something to value and also something to be responsible for. And I hope they’ll share that new understanding with others and create a dialogue about sexual orientation.
So, you really believe that God loves each one regardless.
Yes. I resonate with the Quaker tenet that there is that of God in each of us.
What can people who think they don’t know any gay people and still believe homosexuality is a sin take away from this booklet?
People who think they don’t know any gay people usually have an idea in their mind of what gay people look like. By seeing the photographs in my booklet, I hope they’ll begin to realize that those ideas aren’t necessarily valid and that gay/lesbian/bisexual people are all around them, contributing to the community.
As for homosexuality being a sin, I can understand this worry as well because I, too, grew up with it. Many churches and prominent religious leaders have beat that drum for a long time. But now it’s time to beat a new drum—that each of us is created by and loved by God. Being in a right relationship with God means honoring all of God’s creation, getting to know our neighbors, and loving our neighbors as ourselves. That’s the dialogue we need to start.
You’ve talked a lot about starting dialogues. What do you mean and how can And God Loves Each One start dialogues about sexual orientation?
A dialogue simply requires two people—or more. Where would you like to start? Where would it make a difference in your life, your church, or your community? Here are just a few ideas: Share copies of the booklet with your pastor, your church council or trustees, or the social action committee. Ask them to allot time at the next meeting for discussion of how to raise these issues in your congregation. Share the booklet with the teachers and administration of your child’s school. Support them in efforts to change the culture of intolerance and rejection in that school and your school district. Schedule a forum in your neighborhood or town. Share the booklet with others who are working to address other types of discrimination and join them in creating a truly hospitable community.
Are you available to speak on the issue?
Yes. I’d be happy to help you start a dialogue in your church and community. And there are many others—in our congregation, among those who have co-sponsored the booklet (see contact us), and in welcoming denominational groups around the country (see resources).
We’d all like to bring the message that it’s time to beat a new drum—that God created us and loves each one of us.
